Suicide

Last week I literally had the worse panic attack inside a store and when exiting I started having terrible thoughts. I sat in my car and decided that I didn't want to be alive anymore!

Podcast

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uk original acid house 2020

Friends

Today I hung out with my mate at his new appartment building. Looks more like a 3 story town house but trust me it's not. Not bad for 600k while his new penthouse is being built for 2.5mil!

How our lives are so different but we are both rich, just in different ways. 

Been quite an eye opener and makes me miss working. I surely could find a supercars for a good price and sell it for a good profit. 

So tomorrow I look at life again and maybe take s different direction. 

Surgery again.

Back to OSU for another surgery, but before that I have to get a covid 19 test and then quarantine until surgery which is the 16th of October. This is the hernia repair from my transplant. Couldn't have come at a worst time as I cant lift anything for 6 weeks. 

So one good but of news is our attorney says we have a good case, also the CDC form will be coming out and being delivered personally to the church. The covid 19 numbers are rising again and I do not want to catch it. It would kill me. Going to look at properties is t safe either. Well just pray that all goes well for me.

Above is the camera man who filmed to be part of a documentary. 

And here's Milo posing for her photo. She is my security blanket when feeling crappy.

Peace to you all.

I have a favor. Please write a comment of where you found my blog and who you are because I have no idea who reads it. 

Thanks.

Fall has arrived

So September brought a few unexpected things. Getting ready for a hernia repair that was caused by where my chest was cracked open. I cant exercise because it is very painful. The surgeon that 8s doing the repair is my heart transplant surgeons wife!

Then I have been told I need a brain shunt because I have a lot of fluid build up around my brain but I have decided to hold off on that one. Then I find out that my landlord wants to kick us out. So we have three decisions.  Stay in circleville and rent again, buy a house in Circleville or move out of state and the later I feel is the better option. I need a fresh start for my family. The are so many cobwebs here and people that I thought I trusted and now I have seen the truth. 

I have been granted 8 extra years with an lvad and a new heart and some people that i really trusted and be friended really dont and didnt get. I am done with other people that wont be honest with me and make me feel like a user. 

The sad thing is that I have been so miserable from my brain pressure issue that it changed my life. My memory became foggy, I lived in a world of either reality or not real. And if these people who i cared about didn't see that and saw my destruction, then shame on them. 

I dont have much time left so I am going to use what time I do have to explore life. 

I am fed up with worry about other people's issues as I have my own and my family needs me. I still have time to be that person I wanted to be to stand up and inspire. So although there are people that let me down, they actually made me realise that I am a good man. 

So I wont say pray for me for a while because the church right now has let me down and I have to find peace with all that's happened. 

Be safe my friends and please continue to share my website 

Three years on and I still think of my old buddy. RIP Keith. 

My landlord decided to kick us out.

I am financially broke and need prayers and help.

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