Website

Dont forget to check out the rest of my growing website. 

Merch coming soon.

Right heart cath

7.15am appointment 9.25am recovery room.

Right heart cath. 3 heart samples and numbers look similar to 6 months ago, so looks good. I'll know more on Friday with the biopsy results.

Couldn't sleep last night, probably only slept a few hours.

I'll be glad to get home and have a cuppa tea!

Have a safe and warm Wednesday

Looks worse than it is!

Snow

4ft of snow so far.

Snapchat

Baby arrival

Back at the labor unit at OSU main campus to welcome a little baby boy. But he never arrived so we'll have to wait a little longer. 

Gave me time to blast my UK house music out on the motorway. This selfie makes me look like I have a coconut head.

Website.

So I have got my website half done but plenty more to go. 

Cant wait to get on the road in 2020 and tell my story good and bad. I am not allowing anything to stop me anymore.

Bring it on. Music, stories and inspiration.

www.heartofmark.com

Patient rights

www.hhs.gov

You never know you may need them one day. Trust me.

Angels

I have so many guardian angels. How can I ever complain because I am so blessed.

Check up

So I have decided today that I just need to go to OSU for appointments. I have even put healing hearts aside because I feel very let down by the lack of patient care. There 8s not one person on this planet that has not in one way or another sinned. How big or small, not one.

I can not be subject to judgemental looks or comments when going to the Ross heart hospital. This has been the most controversial thing that has ever happened to me. At a time when i am supposed to be focused on living i fall very easily into deep depression. I have many times thought of ending it all because i can not handle anything.

My memory is terrible, not because of age but things have just been erased and it frightens me.

My son needs me but does he really?

He has matured so quickly and grown up because of watching me fight to live. He has also seen the troubled side and the sinner side.

My donor didnt donated their heart for me to throw it away but they allowed me to still make my own decisions. 

My wife would probably fall a part but I feel nothing but a burden to her now.

Sometimes I feel more lost than ever and that's what scares me about death, whether I will feel this way for ever.

I have chronic kidney disease, I have brain issues, so many other things and I'm tired. Mentally and physically. 

I wish I had the answers and I wish I didn't always feel so low.

I can feel so angry 2 hours ago and write stuff then not remember even saying , thinking, or writing anything. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Jimmy Carr

One of my favorite comedians is Jimmy Carr and there he was, so I had to look into his eyes. Google Jimmy Carr and you'll understand the likeness.

If you get offended by offensive humor l, swearing and British humor then move on...lol

Down in the dumps

Feeling under the weather today. Spent about 4 hours in the cold weather on Sunday collecting toys 4 tots. So I think with a combination of other things and this I'm just groggy.

It helped a little wearing my monkey head!

This was only a small portion and it's not over for a week or so.

Website

Have you checked out my new updated website. My story has some interesting videos and videos of my new and old heart, my brain scan showing my stroke and my kidney cancer. 

Happy Thanksgiving

I give thanks to my donor. 

Appointments

So here come the appointments again. Infectious diseases Tuesday then neurological doctor and come January my right heart biopsy since July. Mind blowing. 

This has been a tough tough year but very challenging and has shown me how to focus.

Financially terrible and I miss just being able to not worry about getting my car fixed or going to the movies. Health is still an issue and will always be but I am still here and alive. I unfortunately have had many times where i have wanted to just give up. But my donor gave permission to awaken someone's life and that being me. I will not let them down.

Calming

The best thing to take away anxiety and become relaxed are mens best friend.

Rough

So I keep getting there and being knocked back down. 

It's like I cant move on without another wall. The starvation of my brain over the years is and has been overlooked and now is haunting me. Another day brings much drama but I hide it.

watch Joshuas new song and video Field of roses new 2019

Donate Life

So I get a call from Life Line of Ohio first thing and suddenly all my troubles are pointless. 

I was asked to be the presenter of Rose's to donor families as their loved ones names are called. What an honor. 

Then all my other crap means nothing. To me, one person made a selfless decision to become a donor and here I am!

The entire world as become a business. People that care for others do it for money. I have not worked in 7 years and made more of an impact on people's lives than if I was being paid for it.

Never have I complained in my life or ever been in trouble with the law until now. 

This issue is not just a personal one or a heart issue, its damage to my brain. I have this for the rest if my life.

Thanks to Lifeline of Ohio for being there for me.

So along with everything else the LVAD shirts are making serious money for charities.  

Thanks to everyone that has made a difference to patients families that needed a break. 

Great seeing Don Tiberi make a difference in raising funds to get more driving simulators.  Very inpiring.

Looking forward to working with Darlene from NBC4 on how 3 donate life ambassador friend became friends. 

Also looking forward to a new project that hopefully will air soon.

Monday

So I was in Dublin for an appointment at 10.15am then back to cardio rehab at 1pm.

I am tired but I am blessed to be here and must fight to see tomorrow. 

Project 8

Now I have to raise money for the foundation and to find a place for my family.

Then I have to live up to my person reputation. 

Cancer free

With everything going on I tend to forget the real reasons for being here. 

The glory of getting through such torturous illnesses make the petty ignorance of others look ridiculous. 

I wish none of what I've been through on anyone but if only they knew the pain, anguish and anxiety then I think minds would change. But would they?

I have come to believe that i think i am here for a reason and not here to just go through life with just a job to pay the bills. 

Why do some people not struggle. 

Happy Friday

After a rough week, being harrassed by the powers that be, a sickness that hopefully has settled down, going from 2 incomes to one, some very tough family decisions one little boy made me smile. My little buddy Tyler. He is waiting patiently for a liver and he is as strong as an ox. 

It's funny really after being bullied by two law enforcement officers I wonder how they would react to what's going on to me personally. 

I have lost a lot of appreciation for many people this week, especially after being setup so that I fell into a trap. As for my own morals, all I can say is what an idiot. 

No compassion, it's just business and a pay check. Take the pledge means follow through of what you knows right. If it means having to start again then take the consequences and stop blaming others. 

I am sick of being sick. I never asked for any of this sickness and especially the injuries that have left me permanently scarred forever.

Now when you complain about someone or a business remember that doesn't mean the employee is actually being reprimanded. 

Tyler buddy, I luv ya and thank you for keeping me smiling. 

letter from Tyler with heart sticker. ❤

Back to schools with Donate life.

Not only am I an ambassador for Donate Life but UNOS.

Better

Today I feel great. Off my virus medication as all my cmv tests are negative.  

I have energy and I am looking forward to feeling normal again. 

Hopefully sending some photos to my donor family because they have never responded to me. All I want to do is say thank you.

Happy Fridag and if you have any worries today put them in your back pocket for later. Had enough of stress. If anything will kill me stress will.

Always complain

Something I've learnt is that dont leave things because you dont want to rock the boat or upset someone. 

The mind is a complicated tool for us humans and we are here for only a while so why let other people ruin your existence.  

For years I havent been myself. Yes I have always smiled and had a great outlook but deep down it's been extremely tough. Medications affect people in different ways and I know I should have spoken up. So I'm telling you. If you're in hospital and arent happy with your care or the staff dont not complain. Dont be scared like I was and dont be fooled. 

I am blessed to be here but i am scarred  because of what happened to me in hospital. 

Never feel alone. 

Todays appointment

At my appointment and noticed that they have candy. Left to right. Gum, marshmallow, chip sticks and they thing that makes you gag to throw everything back up. I'd rather just get a mr man sticker 🙂 At my appointment and noticed that they have candy. Left to right. Gum, marshmallow, chip sticks and they thing that makes you gag to throw everything back up. I'd rather just get a mr man sticker 🙂 And I just noticed alcohol wipes. Good news is that I dont have to take my meds for the virus anymore which means I will not vomit everyday and have fatigue anymore. Cant wait to get these meds out my system. Great news.

And I just noticed alcohol wipes.

Good news is that I dont have to take my meds for the virus anymore which means I will not vomit everyday and have fatigue anymore. Cant wait to get these meds out my system. Great news.

Hopefully goodbye Prevymis .

Looking good

I finally feel good. Still need a med adjustment but the best I've ever felt. Ready to hit the road and take the inside bus around the nation.

Project 8 coming along.